You toss and turn, unable to sleep, worrying about what your future will look like. Whether you are thinking about divorce, coping with divorce, or struggling with the transition, the stress, fear, and anxiety are relentless. Overwhelmed is an understatement. In the midst of your googling, you stumble across this page, asking yourself, “what is a divorce coach?” Among many, this is yet another question you are asking yourself.
What happens once I sign the divorce papers? Will I lose my kids? Do I need to get a lawyer? What if my spouse doesn’t want to divorce? How will I tell my kids? What will I lose? How will my kids be impacted? How will I manage financially? How will I successfully co-parent? What will life after divorce look like?
If these questions keep you up at night, we know how you feel! Whether you are considering, going through, or coping with divorce, it can often feel as if you don’t know where to turn, especially if the divorce is high-conflict or especially challenging. We understand! At Rockville Psychotherapy and Coaching in Maryland, we are experienced in answering such questions. In this article, we will tell you what a divorce coach is and how a divorce coach can help you. In many cases, divorce coaching is the best way to make healthy and positive decisions in the midst of a very bad situation.
What is a Divorce Coach?
Divorce coaches are certified specialists who will guide you through every step of the divorce process and help you make healthy decisions. Divorce coaches provides emotional and motivational support. They are people who understand the challenges and intricacies of the divorce process and the emotional, mental, and financial effects that divorce can have on you and your children. Whereas counselors and therapists are often focused on the past and recurring relationship patterns, a divorce coach is concerned with where you are now and where you want to be. It is the job of a divorce coach to help you to turn the emotional side of divorce into the business of divorce.
“Divorce coaching is a flexible, goal-oriented process designed to support, motivate, and guide people going through divorce to help them make the best possible decisions for their future, based on their particular interests, needs, and concerns”- American Bar Association
In this article, we will explain what a divorce coach is, and give you 7 things divorce coaching can do for you.
(1) Help You Clarify and Achieve Your Goals
One of the first things a divorce coach will do is help you to clarify your goals as they shepherd you through the divorce process. You will begin by putting pen to paper with your coach and establishing goals. It is a coach’s job is to create a peaceful and safe framework. Together, you will set benchmarks for success and establish a plan for how to achieve them.
Some common questions you will be asked include:
- What are you trying to achieve?
- Where do you want to be in the next few months?
- What do you want for your personal life?
- What do you want for your children’s lives?
- What obstacles are stopping you from being your best self?
Together, you and your coach will answer these questions and outline a plan of action for how to achieve your goals.
(2) Act as a Neutral, Sounding Board–And Keep the Focus on You
A divorce coach acts as a sounding board for your ideas, concerns, and problems. You can share your thoughts and feelings with your coach that you cannot share with anyone else. A divorce coach is completely impartial and will create a safe space, free of judgment, where you can be genuinely heard.
Even if you need to spend the beginning of your session voicing frustration–you know that the conversation will stay between you and your coach. After some venting, you will be able to think more clearly. You can move into discussing practical solutions to your problems rather than being stuck in your negative thoughts and feelings.
Your Friends Can’t be Completely Impartial
While you may have friends or co-workers that may have some understanding of your situation, it is rare that you will find someone who is a true listener. While they mean well, eventually they will feel obliged to share what they would do in your situation or will start to share their own experience. Family members mean well too, but it is hard for them to be impartial. In divorce coaching, the spotlight is on you.
Wherever you are in the divorce process, you have a lot of decisions to make and most are time-sensitive.
Depending on where you are in the divorce process, some decisions you will have to make include:
- Whether to try a do-it-yourself divorce or hire a mediator
- When and how to tell my kids
- How to have the least impact on my kids
- Financial decisions
- Creating a plan for co-parenting
- How will I get through extra-tough moments, like the holidays during and after divorce
- Establishing effective communication with my ex
- How am I going to create 2 homes that are welcoming to my children/that make their lives easiest for them?
Making these decisions are frightening and overwhelming. We understand. A divorce coach acts as a thinking partner so that you do not have to make these decisions alone.
Divorce is emotionally draining and you don’t have to do it alone
The divorce process often hyper-focuses on the legal and financial aspects. But divorce is also emotionally draining and comes with intense feelings that may be difficult to manage. These feelings may have a profound effect on your ability to think and act rationally–2 skills that are critically important throughout the divorce process.
It is not the job of a divorce coach to give you their opinion or personal advice– instead, a good coach will think with you so that you do not have to make these tough decisions alone. They will bring their own unique experience and training to think with you as you continue to embark on this journey of divorce transition to divorce recovery.
(4) Keep you accountable and tell you the truth
In addition to addressing current problems and creating a plan to tackle them, divorce coaching helps to keep you accountable. An experienced divorce coach will continue to ask about those problems and the progress you are making toward your goals.
It is never the job of your coach to talk down to you about not taking action. But a divorce coach will hold you to your statements and remind you why these goals and actions are important to you.
A divorce coach will give it to you straight
A good divorce coach will tell you the truth! Sometimes this may be hard to hear, but it is important that you hear it! It may be the only productive input you get.
A experienced divorce coach will not judge or criticize, but call out what they see.
(5) Connect You With the Right Resources
Divorce can be messy, and even in a best-case scenario, navigating the divorce process is challenging and complicated. Trying to manage the emotional, legal, and financial aspects of divorce are draining and challenging–and not something you want to or have to do alone. And you don’t have to.
While it is NOT the job of a coach to provide you with financial or legal advice, a competent divorce coach has many resources in their divorce arsenal. While working with a divorce coach, you can be connected to:
- Financial advisors
- Any other specialist whose services you may require
They know when to call in the right expert and have relationships with the best professionals to help you get the services you need.
(6) Help You Throughout the Transition and Healing Process
Your work with a divorce coach does not end once the papers are signed or the divorce is finalized. Often, that is when the real work begins. Your coach will stay with you to ensure the smoothest possible transition.
A divorce coach will walk the path with you
Instead of going through your divorce alone, a divorce coach will walk the path with you. Maybe you have established a plan with your partner about co-parenting or effective communication. If this is the case, a divorce coach will work with you to ensure the established plan is working out and continue to problem-solve with you.
Life after divorce can be daunting
Being without a partner after years of marriage can be especially difficult. It can be easy to wallow and get down on yourself–which is never a good feeling. Your coach just wants to know: where you are and where you want to be. They will help you face the challenges that lie ahead.
You will probably start to date again, sooner or later. This brings along a whole host of additional problems–such as; how to tell your kids you are seeing someone new.
A divorce coach will have your back, providing continued support and guidance that meets you where you currently are.
(7) Help You Effectively Parent or Co-Parent
Parenting and co-parenting are arguably the hardest part of the divorce process. And each stage of the divorce process brings different challenges and uncertainties.
Your coach will help you establish and improve a co-parenting plan and make a plan for how to continually improve it.
Our approach is child-centered
We understand what you are going through. Our approach to coaching is child-centered and parent-focused. Simply put–we work with clients who put their children first.
Each phase of the divorce process brings different challenges–both for you and your children. And you want to keep a level head throughout each phase. Do not wait for circumstances to get worse! The best time to hire a coach is now!
Moshe is a Divorce and Co-Parenting Coach in Maryland Who Can Help
My name is Moshe Ben-Lev and I am a Certified Divorce and Co-Parenting Coach in Maryland with over 30 years of experience in educating and parenting. I have seen the impact that divorce can have on children–both academically and emotionally. I have worked with families going through high-conflict divorces and seen their kids withdraw socially or suffer from anxiety and depression. I have seen how bad this can be if the divorce is not handled properly.
My approach is parent-centered and child-focused. Simply put, my clients put their children first. And for you to put your children first, you must first focus on your own emotional wellbeing to be the best version of YOU that you can be!
You need someone who understands what you’re going through and can help guide you to the best possible outcome for yourself and your children. That’s what I do. I have helped countless people get through one of the most difficult times in their lives!
Start your divorce recovery journey today!
For a free 45 minute “discovery” session contact me at (240) 286-5487 or click the button below!